Another Year Older 🎈
Birthday reflections and my favorite things
I turned 31 last week! As I tend to do around my birthday, I’ve been reflecting on my last year, the experience of getting older, and the many little joys that make life worth living. We took a trip to the coast of Maine to celebrate and spent five perfect days eating lobster rolls, hiking among misty trees, pulling off the road at too many farm stands, and appreciating the warm, salty breezes rolling off the ocean.
This is the most un-Leo thing about me, but I’ve never been someone who loves celebrating my own birthday in the traditional sense. I’m prone to the birthday blues and often flooded with nostalgia for the birthdays of my childhood spent with family and eating pizza in the backyard. Throwing myself a party always feels like a stressor and each year when I contemplate whether or not to do something ‘festive’, my mind is bombarded with the same questions:
Is this too much to ask of others?
Will my different friends get along?
Who are my closest people/who do I want to celebrate with?!
The list of my doubts goes on. Genuinely curious if this happens to anyone else, or if the pre-birthday spiral is just a me thing, lol.
It’s even more interesting because I truly love celebrating birthdays of my closest friends and family. I find immense pleasure in finding a great gift months in advance, scouring my local paper-goods stores for the perfect card, and cooking thematic birthday dinners. Maybe one day I’ll be able to lend myself the same enthusiasm.
For my 30th birthday, I pushed past the discomfort and organized small celebrations with both my New York City and Bay Area communities (and both were perfect). Approaching 31 felt different though. The last year has been full of so much change, and I felt overwhelmed by the way my birthday concretizes the passage of time.
Thirty was the most transformative year of my life: it was the year of dismantling my outdated and limiting views, of unlearning, and of rediscovering who I really am. In many ways, I’m completely starting over at 31, which is terrifying, awesome, and exciting all at once. I’ve never been one to imagine what my life would look like by a certain age… but this was certainly not on my bingo card.
I knew I wanted to ring in my birthday somewhere beautiful; where I’d have the time and space to reflect, explore, and get out of my routines. So we drove 7 hours north to go to one of my favorite places. To me, mid-coast Maine is perfect (at least in the summer). This is a truly special corner of the world: wild blueberries galore, rocky peninsulas jutting out into the ocean, a thriving food scene, and some of the warmest and welcoming people that I’ve come across.
We spent the week hiking, reading, journaling, eating, and exploring small coastal towns. I woke up on my birthday overflowing with gratitude for life and all the moments, experiences, people, and places that fill me with immense joy. I whipped out my phone and added a few of these thoughts to a list of my favorite things (à la Sound of Music) that I’ve been working on for the last few years.
You know I love a list. While I’ve never been able to stick with a formal gratitude journal, this list feels like my version. It has helped me cultivate a sense of wonder and awe in my everyday life. When I notice something amazing - like the warm breeze I felt walking to dinner our first night in Maine - I add it to the list.
This practice is equally important for me in moments where I feel down. When I’m having a low moment, I’ll revisit my favorite things and attempt to seek one out, whether that’s listening to a song I love or visiting my favorite tree in McCarren Park.
MY 31 FAVORITE THINGS FOR 31
“The Leaves That Are Green” by Simon & Garfunkel
Cherry blossoms and dogwood flowers in spring
Unique state license plates
Piña coladas
Giving and receiving handwritten cards
Ice rolling my face in the morning
Long phone calls with my mom, talking about everything and nothing
Stone fruit in July and August, specifically yellow nectarines
Wide trails
Morning walks
Seeing the sun and moon at the same time
The Durham farmers market
Harmless eavesdropping
Zinnias
Honesty market farm stands
Whipped cream from the can
Everything miniature
Outdoor showers
Propagating plants and watching the roots grow
Legally Blonde
Tiny pepperonis with crisp edges
A warm breeze on a summer night
Crying when I hear a beautiful song
Clear mountain lakes (preferably at the end of a long hike)
Black raspberry ice cream
Coco (the Disney movie)
Tomatoes, specifically from the Oñate-Trules garden
Handmade mugs
Meinklang orange wine
Singing with friends
The harmonica (I love the sound and it reminds me of my Tata Joe)
FOR YOU 🌸✍️
Make a list of things that are perfect to you. What are your favorite feelings, experiences, sounds, tastes, and places? Write them down on a piece of paper and stick it on your desk. If you’re like me and love the Notes app, make this list on your phone. Now try to add at least one thing weekly.
It would make me so happy to learn some of your favorite things. Leave a comment below if you feel comfortable sharing! ❤️️
RECOMMENDING IN AUGUST
TO READ
This roundup of the 100 best books of the 21st century from the New York Times Book Review. I was pleasantly surprised by how many books I’d never heard of - it gave me so much inspiration for my TBR list. I added The Great Believers and Wolf Hall, among others.
My personal favorites from the NYT list: Pachinko, Demon Copperhead, The Goldfinch, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow.
Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I read this book in college, but liked it even more this time around. I struggle with meditation and this book gave me helpful tools on how to build and sustain a mindfulness practice.
Sociopath: A Memoir by Patric Gagne. We listened to this book during our Maine road trip and loved the story. As the title suggests, it’s a memoir about growing up a sociopath. I learned so much about sociopathy and it was fascinating to hear about Gagne’s experience throughout childhood into adulthood. The author narrates the audiobook herself and does an incredible job.
TO WATCH
Drops of God on AppleTV. I finally started this show and fully understand the hype. It’s fantastic so far.
Honorable mention to House of the Dragon season 2 on Max. I’m a forever GoT fan and love this spinoff show.
TO LISTEN
“How to Shape Your Identity and Goals” from Huberman Lab. A conversation with Dr. Maya Shankar (the host of one of my favorite shows, A Slight Change of Plans) about identity, change, empathy, and achieving goals. It was long, but very worth the listen.
“What do we owe our friends?” from How to Know What’s Real. I re-listened to this episode recently and it helped me when I was thinking through a relational challenge in my own life. The hosts discuss how to address conflict and explore the terms of platonic friendship.
“The Economic Theory Behind J.D. Vance’s Populism” from The Ezra Klein Show. Klein speaks with a conservative economist… which brought me back to my grad school days. At times the conversation was heated but I found it very interesting and thought-provoking.
TO DO
Make a summer bucket list. We still have 1.5 months of summer left! Make a list - like we used to do when we were kids - of all the things you want to do/see/eat/drink/learn this summer. In anticipation of my weekends, I’ve been looking to my bucket list for inspiration and it helps me prioritize activities that are meaningful, new, and fun. Things I’ve checked off so far include fruit picking, eating a hot dog, and playing pickleball. There are still many things I still want to do before the end of summer like make a spicy cucumber margarita and learn floral embroidery.
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Thank you so much for reading! I deeply appreciate each and every one of you. 🌸
I have approx. 2,360 unread emails in my Inbox but Spring Cleaning is always opened ASAP- your words always bring such joy to my day. Happy Birthday again, sweet friend!
Shout out to pina coladas, yellow nectarines, whipped cream from the can, tiny peps with crispy edges & coco. Loved reading this!